Im listening to sheryl crow's while updating this blog..
ok..so i know that there are some of you guyz who
drop by my blog to see whether i hv been updating something or not..
sorry sgt sgt.. i was so busy lately and not in the mood to share anything..

but..hey! here i am.. in the mood to share few stuff with u..
Ramadhan this year is very challenging .. lots of sacrifices to make..
in term of our lust in eating.. wrong doing.. maksiat and everything..
including the lost of my cats..

10 of my cats died in a week..
9 of them probably food poisoning..
1 got in an accident..
i was crying like a baby..
so break down..
got affected all ppl around me as well..

no mood to on9..
no mood to going out..
everytime i was alone..
i spent my time depressed and cry..

but..i know..
this is all came from Allah..
He wanted to test me..
i hope i past the test..

on 23rd august 2009..
at night.. around 9.30 pm..
tasik titiwangsa..

he proposed to me..
well not to marry him..
but to be his special gf..

i never thought that i would
give myself a chance to be in a realationship
again after i broke up last year..

well.. actually im still not ready for it..
because..i still believe that boys are suck..
no one knows whats on their mind..
they are so smart in the game of love..

their words..
their eyes..
perrghhh.. all women can get fool by those..

but.. i give him a chance..
i do like him.. in fact..
i dont wanna to lose him..
i try so hard to be a good gf..

not controlling him..
he can go out with anybody he wants..
boys or girls.. i dont care..

but..that was my mistake..
my previous relationship..
i hv been doing the same thing..
i didnt mind at all my bf wanna go out with whoever they want..

until i caught them cheating..
do i hv to take a risk?
well.. i really dont mind syazwan wanna go out with
anybody..i trust him.. 70% ..

but there is only this one girl..
that i cant even barely to hear her name..
she calls my bf everyday.. she texts him everyday..
she myspace him almost everyday..
BESTFRIEND?? bullshit right..

girls only do that to a boy they LOVE altho
they know that boy already taken..

so.. im not asking my bf to break their friendship..
i just asked him to slow down a lil bit..
shit!! im so losing my mind.. dont know what to do..
if i stop them from seing each other..
what if he sees her without my knowledge..?

hmm.. negative..i always think negative..
but guess what? my negative thinking had been always right..
but this time? i dont know.. i hope not..

i want him to be the last person im with..
tired of trying..
tired of crying..
yeah im smiling..
but inside im dying..